I remember reading from somewhere that if you ever want to make it as a writer, you have to write. I have long since forgotten where I got that from, but the message has always rang true. As someone who aspires to write for a living, I know that the only way I could make it happen is by, well, writing. And although as a copywriter that is basically what I do, writing healthcare ads probably won't be of much help in becoming the kind of writer I hope to be.
I started this blog as a platform for expressing myself and a venue for honing my skill(?). I used to come here often to write and to read what others have written. Learning. Discovering. But life has been crazy and I find myself visiting less frequently.
Aside from not having much time in my hands, I've also been doubting my ability as a writer. Lately, I've been struggling to find my voice and to make sense of things that all I ever seem to come up with are rushed and half-assed writing—bad stuff. My writing has taken a turn for the worse, and even now as I'm writing this, I'm not sure whether it has any direction or if it even makes any sense at all. I just had this strange urge to write.
I'm no stranger to self-doubt. In fact, I don't think anyone is. It can be crippling at times, but I know I must not allow myself to succumb to it. I have to let this wave pass, and then push it far back—I don't think I could ever be able to get rid of it for good. And I guess that's a good thing. It will keep me from being arrogant, and at the same time, it will give me room to surprise myself (and I do hope I surprise myself). Self-doubt is a bitch, but we can sure as hell hope to tame it.
I have no idea how to end this mental purge, and that is proof of my dwindling ability as a writer, but that doesn't mean I won't try to wrap it up nicely. My constant questioning of my competence would probably still bludgeon my ego to no end, but I will always try to bounce back after every blow. I probably won't be a good writer anytime soon either, but I could always be better than I am now. I know life will keep throwing me these terrible lines, but I'll be sure to be armed with truckloads of "buts" to counter every one.
