Put Your Music Player On Shuffle

After failing to finish the last 30-day challenge, I vowed never to take on one again. So when a friend of mine asked if I would like to participate in another challenge, I politely declined. I admit, the challenge seemed much more interesting than the previous one (and I'm actually tempted to do it), but I don't think I can commit to making a daily post. Not right now at least. I will, however, indulge myself by taking on the challenge for Day 10. Just because. Haha!

Day 10 says to put your music player on shuffle and post the first ten songs that play. Here's what I got:

Omigod You Guys

Laura Bell Bundy and the cast of Legally Blonde: The Musical

Legally Blonde: The Musical

See, dreams really do come true, you never have to compromise

Omigod, you guys!

All You Need is Love

Lynden David Hall

Love Actually Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

Nothing you can know that isn't known

Nothing you can see that isn't shown

No where you can be that isn't where you're meant to be,

It's easy

I Never Met a Wolf Who Didn't Love to Howl

Megan Hilty

The Music of Smash

If your face and figure are whistle bait,
Then honey, you'll have the keys to the studio gate!

Something Good This Way Comes

Jakob Dylan

Seeing Things

If it's true that good fortune gives no chase
We got just what it takes

Knowing Me, Knowing You
Mamma Mia Original Broadway Cast
Mamma Mia!

Breaking up is never easy, I know
But I have to go

Evenstar
Howard Shore feat. Isabel Bayrakdarian
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers Original Soundtrack

Light Rail
Jeremy Messersmith
The Silver City

We'll take you on a little tour of your past
Or if you wanna see the future we can get there fast

Without A Word
Birdy
Birdy

Stand there and look into my eyes
And tell me that all we had were lies
Show me that to you it don't count
And I'll stand here if you prefer
Yes I'll leave you without a word

O Come All Ye Faithful
Martina McBride
White Christmas

O come ye to Bethlehem;
Come and behold him,
Born the King of angels

All My Loving
Jim Sturgess
Across The Universe Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

I'll pretend that I'm kissing
The lips I am missing
And hope that my dreams will come true

Day 19: What is my goal in life?

My goal is simple, albeit not easily achieved. My goal in life is simply to find happiness in everything I do. I want to appreciate every little chore. I want to enjoy even the most mundane and taxing of jobs. I just want to find a smile on my face regardless of what I'm doing. Life's too short to be miserable all the time. And if I find myself grey and old, with more laugh lines than frown sags (yes, I just made up a new term), then I'd know I've achieved my goal.

Day 18: Whom do I admire the most?

I know what you're thinking. Still doing the challenge? Well, I can't just quit on Day 17. I have to finish this thing no matter how long it would take. Oh, and this just might be the first and last blogging challenge I might take on by the way. I've come to the conclusion that 30-day challenges can be quite a pain in the ass. Anyway, to set the slow ball rolling, here's Day 18.

If I have to answer this in strict terms and choose someone I know in real life, my answer would be my parents. Yeah, yeah, I know. I glorify my parents too much. So to spare you from all the cliches that could only come from a doting child, I'm going to pick someone from a different world instead.

For those who love books and fiction, I'm sure there's that one character who stands out and stays with you for the rest of your life. For me, that character is Susan "Stargirl" Caraway. The quirky yet fascinating girl from Jerry Spinelli's imagination embodied the kind of person I wish to be. She's funky, cool, and very um...well, different. The best part is she doesn't even care! And although falling in love caused her to dim her light, she finds a way to get up and shine even brighter.

"She was elusive. She was today. She was tomorrow. She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, the flitting shadow of an elf owl. We did not know what to make of her. In our minds we tried to pin her to a corkboard like a butterfly, but the pin merely went through and away she flew."

Day 17: What do I wish I could say to someone?

Well, this is awkward. I'm not sure how I can make you listen to me, because you hardly ever do, but I might as well try. I know you probably feel like shit right now--you usually do. You probably feel like you're good for nothing and that you're only here in this world to suffer, but let me tell you this: you're wrong. If only you'd look hard enough, you'd see that you are worth so much more than you think, and that the world's yours for the taking.

I am fully aware of your crippling insecurities, but you need to remember that you are what you are. How you'd fare in the world depends on how you harness what you have. True, you're not the best at anything, but you can be better. Stop comparing yourself with others as it will only make you feel worse. Instead, take notes and improve your craft. Don't look at yourself in the mirror for more than a minute. Well, who am I kidding? You love the mirror. Well, if you must look at yourself in the mirror for more than a minute, remember that everyone has flaws. A lot of people are just good at concealing them--either with makeup or photoshop. Fix what you can, and embrace what you can't. You'll be living with it for the rest of your life, so there's no point in hating.

If you're feeling lost, know that you are right where you're supposed to be. I know how unsure you are of things as you finally start to take charge of your life, but that's the beauty of it. Uncertainty brings forth surprises. You need to remember though, that even if you play the game by your own rules now, you can't win without a good team to back you up. I know how you're trying to invest in memories, but don't forget to invest in people as well.

One more thing: stop living in the shadows. Stand up. Speak up. Be heard. You've got a voice--don't be afraid to use it. (Well, except perhaps when singing is involved) Don't be afraid to make mistakes because you'll learn from it. Stop caring about how you sound to other people, because they don't care how they sound to you. It pays to be silent and reserved, but when you have to, speak. You are your biggest oppressor, so stand up against yourself if you have to. Don't let your brilliant ideas die in the back of your head.

You are on a great adventure, and you are well equipped to face the challenges it brings. Never forget that. Do not ever let anything, or anyone, make you feel less than what you are. You have what it takes to a live a beautiful life, so live it. You may not always get credit for it, but you help make this world a little more interesting. Take pride in that and smile. And when things get a little too much to handle, remind yourself of how strong you are.

Oh, and yeah. Don't forget to believe in me. Always.

Love,

Yourself

Day 16: What do people notice about me?

We are not the best judges of ourselves. That's a proven fact. Most of the time, what we see in the mirror is not what others see. So to keep this free from personal bias, I asked five friends to tell me the first thing they notice about me. With their minds set to the idea of meeting me for the first time, here's what they've got to say:

Ralph said that if he didn't know me, I would seem like an introvert if alone, but would have an outward disposition when with friends. Although he said that physically I seem very fragile, he made up for it by saying I'm witty. He also added that emotionally I come off as someone serious and focused.

When we first met, Cyd said she got the impression that I was a rich kid, and that was what she noticed first. I don't know where she got such an outrageous idea, but that's what she said.

To Emilou, my glasses took the spotlight. She said that my glasses caught her attention, thinking it was just a fashion statement. She found out soon enough that it wasn't the case. She also poked fun at my voice, saying it was another thing she noticed about me.

Marah, one of my BFF's since high school, said that I seem silent and reserved. She also said that I'm the type that people would judge as "maarte" at first, which is very true. I guess this explains Cyd's answer.

After asking him, Macau gave me this for an answer: "The first thing I noticed about Francis was his love for cartoon characters and/or marvel superheroes. It just goes to show how happy his childhood was, enjoying his own fantasy rather than giving a crap on a bitchy reality."

Getting varied answers, I realized that what people notice about you says something about them just as much as it does about you. We choose how we present ourselves to the world, but how we are seen depends greatly upon the world. How's that for an early morning reflection? ;)

Day 15: What do I dislike most about myself?

If you're wondering why it took me so long to write my Day 15, you can blame it on my crazy work schedule and good old procrastination. Also, I haven't been in the writing mood for months now. I feel so out of touch. I even considered quitting the challenge, but something inside prodded me to give it one more go and see it through. After all, I have faced bigger challenges, and will certainly be facing more. So here I am, doing Day 15 at the most inappropiate place and time. Shhh.

As I have mentioned a couple of times, there are plenty of things about me that I don't like. I could write a list, but I don't know how long it would go, and I probably would just end up feeling depressed for days. I try hard not to remind myself of my flaws because I have the rest of the world to do that for me. (And they do the job pretty well, if you ask me) Also, to write down what I dislike most about myself would be especially hard, since I have declared this day to be Good Vibes Monday—and you can't feel bad about yourself on Good Vibes Monday. Sigh. Oh, well.

I don't know how I ever came to be such an insecure being, but that's who I am. And that's what I hate most about myself. I spend most of my alone-time wallowing in self pity and feeling bad for not being good enough. I have my insecurities cling to me like a koala hanging on to a tree. Shaking it off is close to impossible. Sometimes I even think I should see a shrink, simply because I think it's close to being unhealthy. I should explain further, but I don't want to get sucked into the negative feeling (and I don't want to get caught blogging either). So, ciao!

Day 14: What do I like most about myself?

This is one question that I don't get asked often, and so I've never really taken the time to think of an answer. What can I possibly like about myself, when I'm constantly berating myself for not being better? Hmm.. Let's see.

I've had a few days to think of the answer, but somehow it is very elusive. And just when I think I have it, a little voice inside my head would whisper, "Seriously?" It wasn't until about two minutes ago when I finally came around and found the right answer. Well, for now anyway (while that stupid voice is still asleep). I have come to the epic conclusion that the thing I like most about myself is the thing that makes me human, and that is my forbearance towards the harshness of reality. Like most people, I whine and complain over things that come my way, and yet I manage to get through it one day at a time. Sometimes I look back and wonder how I ever made it through some trying times, and then I am reminded of the gift of strength my God has bestowed upon me.

I know that this is not exactly the best answer, nor is it something special, but when you think about it, doesn't it make you feel proud to be so resilient?

Day 13: Have I ever had my heart broken? Have I ever broken a heart?

Yes.

Day 12: If I could wish for anything that would come true, what would I wish for?

This challenge sure talks a lot about wishes and dreams!

If I could wish for anything (and by anything I mean anything), I'd probably wish for magic. I mean, who wouldn't want a little magic in their lives? I'm talking about real magic, of course. Spells, enchantments, charms, and the like. But if that's too much to ask, I could settle for the magic of life: true love, lasting friendships, strong family ties, career fulfillment, and self-actualization.

I'm not wishing for magic just for the heck of it. I'm wishing for magic because I know I deserve it. I know it's wishful thinking on my part, but I have always believed in it, and I still do. The world has proven to me its non-existence countless times, but I refuse to yield. For me, magic is out there, and one day I'm gonna get it. I mean, I'm not holding out for my Hogwarts letter to come along, but I'm sure there's some kind of magic out there that's waiting for me. It may be the kind of magic that whips you up a cup of coffee at the snap of a finger, or the kind that sits with you by the window as you enjoy that warm cup.

Day 11: Who can’t I live without?

There are some questions in life that are thrown at you, and you're never sure of what to answer. There are also those that even before the question can be completed, you already have the answer blurted out. This is one of the latter.

The moment I read the challenge for the day, my mind has already made up its answer without second thoughts. My answer is something I have always admitted openly to everyone. As independent as I may seem to some, there will always be two people that I will forever be dependent to. Without them, I don't know how I could ever exist. I owe to these people my everything, including the life I am living.

I've said this before, quite a lot of times actually, but I'll say it again anyway. This is not something I will ever be ashamed to admit. The people I can't live without are my parents. They are my best friends, my mentors, my love. Ever since I was a tiny little baby with an over-sized head, I have been so attached to them. They may not have spoiled me with material things, but I have been abundant of their love.

Day 10: A dream for the future.

In addition to Day 9, I dream of finding my niche in a job that I identify myself with. :)

Day 9: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days.

To wish for happiness would be folly, for everyone can be happy if we choose to be. For the next 365 days, I wish not for happiness, but for things, people, and events that will make choosing to be happy much easier.

To hope for love would be ignorant, for love is already within ourselves. For the next 365 days, I hope not for love, but for someone who truly deserves my heart.

To dream of wealth would be foolish, for nothing lasts forever, most especially your possessions. For the next 365 days, I dream not of wealth, but of great health for everyone I hold dear.

To plan for adventure is absurd, for life already is. I plan to enjoy life the best way I know how. I will try new things, make mistakes and learn from them, and see new places. For the next 365 days and beyond, I plan to live.

Day 8: What’s in my bag.

The last bag I used was my handy brown leather clutch. The content of which are simply the basics. These are things that you will find in whatever bag I use, simply because I can't leave anywhere without them.

1. Money. How can you get anywhere without it?
2. ATM Card. You never know when your cash might run out.
3. Keys. Who wants to be locked out of his/her own house?
4. Rosary. To protect me and guide me to the right path.
5. Phone. It's usually in my pocket, but I put it in the bag for safekeeping.
6. Comb. When you've got unruly hair like me, it pays to have one at all times.
7. Tissue. Only when I have a need for it.

Day 7: My worst habit.

My worst habit is wallowing in self-pity. I'm quite the depressive, and it seems to me like a day can't go by without me feeling sorry for myself. Sometimes, like right now, it can get very debilitating. It breaks my spirit, but there's nothing I can do about it. I can't help it sometimes.

Day 6: A song that makes me cry (or nearly).

Considering how emotional I am, there are probably quite a number of songs that I've listened and cried to. When the words and melody go together in a way that tugs on my heartstrings, expect me to turn into such a sissy. This goes without saying that to name one song is quite hard. Especially since I have filed these songs in categories according to how they make me feel. Like when I listen to my playlist of religious songs, I can't help but tear up at the realization that I am not as a good a person as I hoped I'd be.

However, if there's one song that's sure to get to me, it would be this. Someone's Waiting For You from The Rescuers used to be my favorite song as a kid. It is also the very same song that my mom would sing to me when I'm sick. She sang it to me when I was in the hospital for dengue and wouldn't stop crying from the endless needle pricking, and again when I was scared to go under the knife to have my inflamed appendix removed. I won't offer any guarantee of tears when it plays, but it will always remind me of the most trying times in my life with my mom beside me, helping me to get through.

Day 5: My dream house.

Paris Disneyland (source)

Day 4: Something I am OC about.

There are plenty that I'm OCD about, but I can't think of much right now. Here are the first three that came to mind though. Let this be enough for now.

1. Hands and Feet. I cannot stand having my hands and feet dirty. Sometimes I go crazy thinking about it, and could hardly focus on anything else. One time, while wearing dorsal foot-baring espadrilles, a colleague accidentally brushed the dirty sole of his shoe on my right foot. I had it so bad that I could no longer concentrate on the meeting, and was cursing him in my head for not being careful. Haha! Other times, I'm okay with it though.

2. Notebook/Sketchbook. This one I'm starting to get over with. I used to be so OC when it comes to my notebooks and sketchbooks. One mistake, one tear, one stain on its perceived perfection, and I can no longer look at it the same way. I would get all lackadaisical about it. Sometimes I wouldn't even want to look at it because I am reminded of how "ugly" it has become. Yeah, I'm weird like that. I have been trying to look at things differently as of late though. I have been trying to convince myself that flaws give them character, and somehow I can see that it's beginning to work.

3. Books. I have great love for my books. I take very good care of them, and so I expect anyone who borrows one to do the same. If you borrow a book from me and return it in bad shape, expect me to not look at you in the same way again. It kills me to inflict damage on someone else's book, so I can't see why anyone would treat mine like a piece of trash. I can only take very minimal creases on the spine, the kind that's barely visible. Anything bigger than that will surely get the crazy wheels in my head to start running.

Forgive me for such a hasty post. Remember when I said that time will be my biggest foe in this challenge? Well, it's only the fourth day, and yet it's beginning to gain advantage. No worries though. I will get through this. Aja!

Day 3: A photo of me taken more than 10 years ago.

Lost: big-headed child with round cry-baby eyes and pouty lips.

Last seen crying noiselessly in his seat.

If found, congratulations! You have successfully traveled through time.

This photo was taken approximately 20 years ago. I'm not really sure, but I think it was for my nursery ID. Look at that face. What a cry baby! Haha!

Day 2: 20 of my favorite things.

I admit to being quite materialistic. Ask me for a wishlist and you'll get a crapload of things that aren't all that important. It's not that I don't appreciate the non-material things (because I really do), but I do get a kick out of getting stuff. I'm not shallow. I'm human.

Asking me to name my favorite things is going to be hard though. Not because I have plenty, but because I barely have any. I love my things. I take good care of them, but I don't have favorites. Like seasons, they too pass. I can name a few general items, but nothing specific. And even then, I don't think I could come up with twenty. So I opted to follow the footsteps of Fraulein Maria instead, and named 20 of my favorite things that need not be objects.

1. Sleeping in on a cool morning. I don't think I have to explain this one. Waking up to a cool weather and curling back in bed for a few extra winks is everyone's guilty pleasure.
2. Staying in my room on a rainy afternoon with a warm cup of coffee and a good book in hand. I love rain. The sounds of pitter-patter and the cool breeze awaken feelings that I've left to hibernate within the corners of my heart. My emotions are heightened that I want to be wrapped around the warmth of words and the sweet aroma of caffeine. And when I have all three at the same time, I could only wish for time to stand still.
3. Travelling to places I've never been. There's nothing like the thrill of being in a new place. With every place you visit, you crave for more. Your body longs for adventure. And every day that you find yourself somewhere new, you feel reborn. Like each day was made specifically for you to see the wonders of wherever you are.
4. Under-appreciated movies. I can't explain why I love them. I just do. I guess when there's less overrated talks of how beautiful a film is, you tend to see its beauty in your own way.
5. Unexpected, yet pleasant attention. This doesn't happen everyday, but when it does, it never fails to make me smile.
6. Making art in my own accord. I will always love making art, forced or not. But one of the best things in the world is making it when I feel like it. When you feel creative juices flow through your bloodstream, and your hands itch to create, you will most likely come up with something beautiful. And who doesn't want to create something beautiful?
7. Writing poetry just before I fall asleep. Words flow better when I'm in bed at night.
8. Stars. What's there to say? I've been fascinated by them since the day I learned how to draw one!
9. Talking about life. Talking about life gets me to think. Not in the way that politics or neuroscience do, but in a way that really gets to me. It allows me to ponder and question one's existence. It allows me to think about the really important things.
10. Daydreaming. I am a professional daydreamer, and always have been since the day I came to this world. Back when I was a student, I used to do it full-time. It's my own private getaway when things get a little too hard to handle, or when I'm just bored off my ass.
11. Really good music. The best way to describe my feelings for music is to quote the movie, It's Kind of a Funny Story. When Craig asked Noelle if she liked music, she simply replied, "Do you like breathing?"
12. Great bargains. This is the shopaholic in me talking. I'm an impulsive buyer, and finding great bargains is like finding an oasis in the middle of a scorching hot, dry desert. It's like heaven in a price tag.
13. Getting under the covers and wrapping up on a cool night. Pretty much the same as #1.
14. Making my parents happy. I'm not sure how many times I've done this, but for the few times that I remember, I don't think I can ever trade it with anything in the world.
15. Laughing out loud with friends. This is one vice I will never give up on. It's one of those things that you can't get enough of. You find ways of getting it, and when you do, you get a certain kind of high that you want to hold on to for as long as you can. It's my drug.
16. The internet. :)
17. Cartoons. As a child-at-heart, I don't think I can ever get through life without cartoons.
18. Dancing unrestricted. Not many know this, but when I'm home alone and a really good song comes on, I get up on my feet and dance. Just dance. No choreography, no restrictions—just the feeling of the beat taking over my bones.
19. Brown paper packages tied up with string. Alright, you didn't think I'd write a list of my favorite things and not pay homage to The Sound of Music, now did you? Haha! Seriously though, like Maria, I like receiving packages. Most especially when wrapped in brown paper and tied with string. It feels so...old-fashioned. And I love old-fashioned! It has a certain charm to it that's very endearing.
20. Going to work with my parents. No matter how much I bitch about it in the morning, it's one of my favorite times of the day. I've been so busy lately that we hardly see each other. It's in that 45-minute (sometimes later) ride that we get to talk. And I love talking to my parents! Even if it's mostly me just grumbling. LOL.

Day 1: A photo that makes me happy.

To try and explain why this photo makes me happy would risk understatement. How could you look at it and say that it can't make a person happy? This is a prime example of how a picture can paint a thousand words. Apart from the obvious uncontrived spontaneity of us falling down, it captures the essence of the friendship I share with these people. Fun. Candid. Close.

Whenever I find myself missing my Burkies, I take a quick look at this photo, and instantly I find myself transported to a time when we were young, carefree, and virtually inseparable. I smile at the idea that at one point in our lives, a problem meant not knowing where to eat for lunch or which room would we hang out in. Life is catching up on us, and now we're facing real problems, and alone most of the time. This Kodak (not really) moment, however, still brings the same kind of joy it once did, albeit tinged with longing and melancholia.

My friends and I still catch up every now and then, but traditions have been harder to keep, and simple get-togethers now need careful planning. I miss them, and I miss the way we were, but I guess we all have to grow up sometime. I take comfort in the fact though that even if we're growing up apart from each other, we still remain the best of friends.