There and Back Again

Finding myself sitting in front of computers I thought I'd never see again and swiveling in a chair that still hopelessly needs to be replaced, the reality of the situation slowly sunk in. I was back. A few familiar faces filled the room that had been a huge part of my life from the last quarter of 2009 to the first of 2010. I had traded the nights in my own bedroom to nights in that room once more. I can't say I'm thrilled, but I needed to get back.

I left my first real job about a year ago to fulfill the plans my family and I made the day I walked through the gates of my college. Leaving wasn't all that easy. The road started out rough and ended even rougher, but it brought me close to finding myself. After my part-time job abruptly ended last January, I went back to the familiar seat of bumhood. For 124 days I woke up to questions and went to bed with even more questions. For 124 days I lived with my demons. For 124 days I partially shut myself out of the world. For 124 days I struggled, but I never strayed far from the things that mattered. I loved every minute of it just as much as I hated it. I was living in a world of my own, and it felt good. My art had finally started to take over, but then my obligations walked in and demanded for it to be given some room. Bills started to pile up and my wallet started to lose its purpose. As much as I didn't want my soul to go hungry, there wouldn't be much of it left if my body had to starve.

Now I'm back to where I once came. I had to get out of the rabbit hole whence I spent the last five months and get back to the real world. I had to be practical and so I decided to take the best option available for me. My incredibly-small-scale business couldn't support me and my needs, so I came back to the familiar world of health care insurance and softwares. I came back to sleeping on mall benches at wee hours, and head-bobbing in front of computers. I came back to the laughter of friends (who, by the way, are leaving me alone in my shift!) and long sermons of bosses. I came back to the place I once belonged, hoping that this time around I'd be able to get the best of two worlds.