Monday, November 16, 2009

I Just Think You Should Know (November 8, 2009)

Dear World,

I know it sounds stupid writing to you, but I think you ought to know a few things. I don’t know if anything good would come out of it, but at least you’d know how I feel. You would see yourself in my eyes. And then maybe you’d understand how I’m feeling.

First of all, I think you should know that I’m very deeply disappointed. I’m disappointed that you are not what I expected you to be. You’re nothing like I imagined! I thought you were a lot nicer – a lovelier place to be in. But now I see that you’re not. I guess it was stupid of me to even think that you were. You were never like the storybooks we used to read and, in all fairness, you never pretended to be. You don’t breed happy endings or provide a perfectly constructed yellow brick road that could lead us to happiness. You’ve always been harsh, flawed and real. It took me a few months before I knew the real you and realize that. However, I don’t blame you for my disappointment. No. You are what we make you out to be. Maybe it’s the people that live in you that make you look worse than you actually are. Sucking the life out of you like tiny viruses. Draining you with every bit of romance and magic you have left in you. No, I don’t blame you. But still, I can’t help but feel disappointed though. Especially since I thought that you were a lot tougher than your little inhabitants.

Another thing, World, is that I want to ask you “why?”. Why did you have to ignore me when I thought you would greet me with your arms wide open as I went out to meet you? Why do I find it to be a constant struggle to please you each passing day with my actions and decisions when, frankly, you don’t even give a damn about me? Why did you have to turn from being a world of endless possibilities from my childhood into a world of sheer uncertainty of the present? What happened? You used to be a world full of colourful dreams and imaginations. But now all I see is a grey world. Black and white doesn’t even exist in you anymore. Just grey. Why?

Anyway, World, I also would like to thank you. Yes, thank you. Thank you for showing me how hard real life is. Thank you for making me realize that you are never fair. Thank you for letting me know that I will not always have things go the way I want them to. You’re not perfect and I thank you for showing me that. Knowing you has helped me become what I am today. Am I a better person now? I don’t know. But I have become tougher and wiser, that’s for sure. And I have you to thank for it. Also, World, I would like to thank you for the greatest gift you’ve given me. My family and friends. They are my posse. My people. My love. Sure, they’re not perfect – oh God, how far they are from being perfect! – but they are my people. They give me the inspiration I need to fight my fight and move forward. They help me forget how hard it is to be in you because they allow me to feel the full spectrum of human emotions – most of the time, all at once. They make me feel like I have a place in you somewhere. It is with them where I can feel that there is still hope left in you. So, again, thanks.

I have said a lot of things and expressed a variety of emotions. But before I end this, I have to tell you one last important thing. Something I’ve been meaning to say since I thought of writing this stupid letter. I’m sorry, World. I have been bitching around and cursed you for countless times. Heck, I’ve even accused you of things I know you have nothing to do with. I’ve been putting the blame on you and your people even though I know that somehow I’ve played my part to have things turn out the way they have. I’ve been mean and nasty to you, yet I expect you to do the complete opposite for me. I have cursed you for not being fair, yet I haven’t been fair to you either. So, World, I would like to apologize. I’m sorry for expecting too much but giving very little in return. I’m sorry for failing to acknowledge the little things you have given me and the opportunities you have provided. All this time, I may have been seeing you with the wrong eye and didn’t even bother to notice. I’ll try to be better, not so that you would treat me better as well. But because it’s the right thing to do.

So I guess this is it. I’ve said my piece and I hope the message got across just fine. Especially since it seems like I was merely rambling all throughout. I know you’ll understand what I’ve been meaning to say in this letter. Surely, this is not the first time someone’s written to you.

Thank you, World, for taking the time to hear out my thoughts.

– Francis

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