9:48 PM. The jeepney I was riding turned left to make its way to San Isidro. My eyes open up with a slight blur as the jeepney came to a sudden halt. Yes, I have fallen asleep while commuting. Again. Why is everything so dark? I wondered. Could it be because I’ve fallen asleep with my contacts on? No. My eyes felt fine. I tried to rummage through my brain for some answers. I wasn’t thinking straight yet seeing that I had just woken up. And then it hit me. All of the city’s lights were out. The city was experiencing a blackout. Shit.
Earlier today, I made a mental note on things to do when I get home. And on top of that list was to watch the latest episode of Glee. Something I’ve patiently waited for the past two weeks. Excitement rushed through my veins as I pictured myself in front of the computer, watching Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel duel as they belt out their rendition of the powerfully moving song Defying Gravity. My all-time favourite from the spectacular seminal Broadway musical, Wicked. Too much? Bite me. Anyway, I pretty much had everything planned out. So imagine how bad I felt when the reality of not being able to do any of the things I planned came into focus. I simply wasn’t happy.
As I got off the jeepney and looked for a pedicab to ride in the dark streets of Dumlog, I noticed something I’ve failed to notice for the longest time. Tiny specks of glitter amidst the dark blue-black sky of the night. The stars. My stars. At that moment, I realized how much I’ve changed for the past few years. Although I still retained my quirky fascination for these heavenly bodies (hence the name, franstar), I can’t help but feel guilty that I no longer look at or even notice the real stars. The same stars that I used to look at every chance I got when I was younger. The same stars I used to wish on when I was still a little boy who believed in shooting stars and dreams-come-true. The same stars that made me realize just how big the universe really is. Somehow, time has changed me and I was consumed by the hustle and bustle of the working life that I’ve totally forgotten about these wonders of nature. I’ve been so blind and indifferent lately that stargazing didn’t seem to have a place in my life anymore. Like most grown-ups, I’ve forgotten about the simplicity of life.
I have reached the point in my life where I have to grow up and act like an adult. And although I have always of thought of myself as special and not like any other, I am still bound to do what is expected of me – to act like everybody else. So I wasn’t at all surprised when I found myself in this position. Being oblivious to the world’s wonders has always been the fad of the working life; the way forgetting who you are is for adults.
Earlier today, I made a mental note on things to do when I get home. And on top of that list was to watch the latest episode of Glee. Something I’ve patiently waited for the past two weeks. Excitement rushed through my veins as I pictured myself in front of the computer, watching Rachel Berry and Kurt Hummel duel as they belt out their rendition of the powerfully moving song Defying Gravity. My all-time favourite from the spectacular seminal Broadway musical, Wicked. Too much? Bite me. Anyway, I pretty much had everything planned out. So imagine how bad I felt when the reality of not being able to do any of the things I planned came into focus. I simply wasn’t happy.
As I got off the jeepney and looked for a pedicab to ride in the dark streets of Dumlog, I noticed something I’ve failed to notice for the longest time. Tiny specks of glitter amidst the dark blue-black sky of the night. The stars. My stars. At that moment, I realized how much I’ve changed for the past few years. Although I still retained my quirky fascination for these heavenly bodies (hence the name, franstar), I can’t help but feel guilty that I no longer look at or even notice the real stars. The same stars that I used to look at every chance I got when I was younger. The same stars I used to wish on when I was still a little boy who believed in shooting stars and dreams-come-true. The same stars that made me realize just how big the universe really is. Somehow, time has changed me and I was consumed by the hustle and bustle of the working life that I’ve totally forgotten about these wonders of nature. I’ve been so blind and indifferent lately that stargazing didn’t seem to have a place in my life anymore. Like most grown-ups, I’ve forgotten about the simplicity of life.
I have reached the point in my life where I have to grow up and act like an adult. And although I have always of thought of myself as special and not like any other, I am still bound to do what is expected of me – to act like everybody else. So I wasn’t at all surprised when I found myself in this position. Being oblivious to the world’s wonders has always been the fad of the working life; the way forgetting who you are is for adults.
As we get older, we somehow get to be too worked up with our lives that we forget about the true essence of being alive. We forget to absorb the beauty the world is so willing to share. And above all, we forget to remember who we really are and what is it that we really want. We deem it too stupid, too childish, too simplistic to want to live our lives the way we want it. We feel like we don’t deserve to rest unless we’re given permission to do so. And most of the time, we don’t think we have the right to be happy unless the people around us are. We no longer lie on the grass and breathe in the smell of a freshly cut lawn. We no longer dance in the rain barefoot, or run freely in the meadows. Or even stare up to the sky and appreciate Mother Nature’s sky diamonds. We lead fast-paced lives of the modern world and live up to society’s expectations that we fail to see the wonders around us. We have forgotten how it was like when we were kids. Carefree and light-hearted.
It’s a wonder how we tend to forget how to be “us” when we become adults. We somehow forget about the real us as we pursue our careers or stand by our responsibilities. But who says you have to give up living life and loving it when you do take that inevitable path? Give yourself a break every once in a while. Stop to smell the roses. Sing the songs you have in your head out loud. Talk to a friend and laugh like crazy. Write your significant other sweet nothings. Dance in your room naked. We might have to give up a few things to succeed in life but we certainly don’t have to give up who we are. And we definitely don’t have to forget how to live.
It’s weird how I started out unhappy with the turn of events. Blackout. Dark streets. No Glee. But then in the darkness of the night, I found my solace. I found my treasure. I found me. And I was happy.
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